His Eye Fell Off

It was Friday the 13th and all was well.

“Do you know how much the earth weighs?”

He did tell me but I can’t remember now, it was a lot. This got us to pondering on whether or not the person doing the weighing had added on the weights of all the buildings. Then this got us to realising that the world can never weigh any more than it already does as everything, absolutely everything, is made from the earth. Wow. We’re talking cars, televisions, trampolines, stuffed toys (more on him later), radiators, paint, bricks, even the globe I’m now looking at, oh the irony. This blew our tiny minds.

On this bombshell I dropped them at school and headed over to Read With Me in The Youngest’s class. First she read her book to me, Sid’s Nits, most informative, then off she went to change it for something from the box of books clearly designed for children that can read. I then Read To Her. Not the point but lovely non the less.

Then off to Toys R Us birthday present shopping. Here I was screwed by a bear. He was in a box marked £29.99. He was not. He was £59.99. Lies I tell thee. He’s a big bugger so I shouldn’t have been surprised, I just wish he’d have said. Because of his devious nature we have named him Wanker.

When I was little, luckily long before my memory kicked in, I owned a bear whom I would hump. Once in the isle on a bus, my mum was horrified. I wasn’t fussy though, it didn’t have to be in public, anywhere would do. Rather unsurprisingly one of his eyes fell off.

Anyhoo. I said to my mum that perhaps this massive con artist of a bear could be a humping partner.

“You could borrow him when she’s at school”

“I didn’t mean for me mum!”


On to picking the kids up from school. The Youngest had been given a certificate for Great Batman Writing. I’m yet to find out if she was writing about Batman or as Batman, not that it matters, proud doesn’t even come close. The Eldest gave his day a score of -7. This is the worst score to date and must have been bad to deserve such a harsh review. Oh, they’d made him run in P.E. well that explains it.

Then off to Nanny’s. They stay for tea on a Friday but I stayed for a cuppa and to watch Money For Nothing.

“Got to be honest I’ve got a bit of a crush on Becks, she makes me want to become . .”

“Yeah” answered my mum with a knowing nod.

“A blacksmith mum!”

Double jeeez.

I go home to enjoy the few hours of peace with The Husband. The phone rings, it’s The Youngest, she’s crying.

“I fell and hurt my knee mum”

I don’t know why she was so upset as this is a daily occurrence for my little stunt princess, she has no fear and even less finesse. Anyhoo, she wanted to come home. On walking in the door she spotted her scooter and was off, fully recovered as if by magic.

“My knees are better, the knee fairy needn’t come when I’m sleeping now” scoot scoot.

We went to bed. I love her bed and will be most put out if she swaps me for Wanker. I do hope I can stop calling him that once she receives him for her birthday. Awkwaaaard. Soon after I’m woken by The Eldest home from his travels.

“I don’t like going to bed if you haven’t said goodnight to me, I don’t know why”

Half asleep but fully pissed orf I suggest he sleeps on his sister’s floor. He did. Three of us in one room. We could downsize and spend the difference on sweets.

Tis now Saturday morning. The Eldest is chuffed to bits that he slept on a floor.

“I did it” he said in a rather too excited tone more suited to the solving of world hunger.

As for The Youngest, she’s just shuffled downstairs in her school uniform, complete with white socks pulled up as far as they could ever possibly go, and handed me her shoes. As I’m popping them on I ask her where she’s going.

“Nanny’s” she says nonchalantly.

We go to Nanny’s because I’m weak and because I’m weak.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s